Moving in Confidence

My favorite view of Lake Victoria on the way to work at the orphanage.

The process of shifting from Africa to Ireland wasn't easy.  I was moving from a world where need was visibly evident from every angle to a country that looked like a piece of heaven itself.  Because of that, it was a vision some folk couldn't latch onto at first and many would question.  I did not.  It was a move made in confidence, with the complete certainty that this is where God wanted me.

Sometimes I wonder how I can be so confident in certain things, like transcontinental relocation, and so insecure in other things.  I came here so excited to see what God would do, with no doubt that God's hand was in it.  I was eager to get involved in whatever God put before me.  When I was placed in worship, it confirmed something God had already spoken to me which should have given me more assurance, yet I was riddled with fears.  It took time and some emotional outbursts to get to a point where I was able to move in that role confidently, and yet it has been an amazing journey full of joy ever since.  I even spoke recently of how God continues to challenge me in that area here.

I was visiting with a friend yesterday and she was asking how I was feeling this first bit into my detox.  I replied that although I wouldn't have imagined so, I honestly felt as exhausted as I did when I was recovering from malaria.  That of course led to questions which ended in sharing a lot of wild memories of stories that still seem so unreal even to me who lived them, but are indeed absolutely true.  Stories of hardship, perseverance, and in the end, victory.  When my friend suggested I write these down, I shrugged them off, saying they were nothing compared to other friends I have there that are "really living it."

In one breath I had devalued all the miraculous things God had done, because it didn't compare to my idea of things. 

Oh, God forgive me.

I was reminded of one of those friends a few years back, when after hearing one of her wild stories from the unforgiving islands of Lake Victoria,  I made a similar comment.  She corrected me right then, saying I should not compare.  She went on to say how she'd rather deal with the actual cobras she had than the corrupt government officials I had to deal with, that if she were to compare, she'd see me as the one "really living it."

When we compare ourselves like this we find that we do one of two things:  we either push ourselves to accomplish His work out of our own strength instead of by the Spirit, or we give up part of our call to try living out everyone else's.  Both only lead to failure followed by more attempts to prove ourselves, followed by more failure and so on.  This cycle is not the victorious life to which God has called us.

Just as He did with worship, God is calling me to be confident in who I am in Him alone.  This confidence means making decisions based on His wisdom and not out of guilt.  It means letting go of hurts from folk (including myself) who have wrongly judged and accused me, forgiving them, and finding joy in the healing.  This confidence means sharing stories of faith without comparison.  Why?  Because it brings Him glory and builds our... confidence. 

You show that you are a letter from Christ,

the result of our ministry, 

written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, 

not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.

Such confidence we have through Christ before God.

Not that we are competent in ourselves

to claim anything for ourselves, 

but our competence comes from God. 

He has made us competent

as ministers of a new covenant

—not of the letter but of the Spirit; 

for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. 

2 Corinthians 3:3-6

For more stories of how folk are moving forward with confidence, visit Bonnie at